Mrs or Mr Right, and the missing piece.

I belonged to the Hispano culture and its ways of thinking. I thought I would be eternally rooted to it and its traditions, but I'm doing my best to change, and I know it's too late at the age 50; but holy wisdom is backing me up to leave some things behind, and I want to print my square toe on the sand of these passing sheets.

I believed like you and I cannot deny the being of my humanity. I had my dreams and I decided to be contend with those I have at bedtime or daydreaming, and these notes are those dreams bringing me chances I have to daydream: May my words SERVE one to help (and I know two people thanked my writings, and I expected nothing in turn).

My life, like everyone else, has been a quest. I tried to live the best way and, in many aspects, I failed, and I'm happy I forgave myself (If you plan to be a Christian, do you that favor). God keeps on forgiving me when I repent, when I try to change and amend, so why do I have to be the one who wants to cut my life off, when trying to be better?

Life is a long term lesson. I've seen how we can learn from others and these people are giving us free college lessons. Your life also keeps on teaching someone, up to the last day in this human body.

Yesterday I enjoyed a “naive” thread at CC. Someone came giving shouts to find out his “missing piece” (as I said). I lied when I told him I would keep an eye over him, up to the moment he finds that woman he tries to get... Is he the one on that quest?

Recently I told my friend MS that she was wrong. She still prays to find her Mr Right and insists on asking God for the man who has what she lacks, same way Adam acknowledged Eve to be his “missing part”.

Do we really lack a rib, or a bone easy to bite?

I asked her is she had problems with her ADN molecules. I used to think all men had their Eve to be found, but that idea is wrongly taken from the Bible: Adam was directly made by Gods hands, and I came to be “a body” because of my parents. I'll be born again when God gives me from His Spirit, same way Jesus told Nicodemus (John 3: 5-7). So the real missing part is His Spirit, because I used to live on the human flesh.

I tried to tell MS that Eve was a reverse creative process, half a clone, where Adam “really” lost anything within him (the missing rib).

I'd say “reverse” because God worked from an opposite extreme, from a missing spare part, the rest of the world was not heard of; so women is an invention above the invention, and that's why I cannot say: “Flesh of my flesh...” as Adam did. (He was lucky! He had no inlaws) He! He!

Perhaps -that very day- he saw a perfect mirror of what any man (or woman) looked at, while stepping into the uncertain grass of body fitness or beauty; but we were not told how she was mentally and what she would feel she lacked (same way as him).

Both tried to find out the appropriate information to build up that relationship. We are not told the time when God set apart that couple, so they started to walk alone out of Paradise, and here is where we ended up to meet and learn, same way they did, while we try to look deep in our minds what is the correct answer to give.

Jesus told two important things:

a) Love your God... and

b) Love your neighbor.

Somewhere else He taught about FAITH, Justice and Mercy.

Do these mental attitudes really matter in mate selection?

How are they connected as bonding things?

Experience tells me I would not marry godless people (I know who I was and who I could be: That's why I avoid those who acted like me).

I do not marry those who shows little respect or consideration for people. A very demanding man (or woman) shows more respect for his or her own concerns and things. The more we ask, the less we give.

Perhaps my kids won't pay attention to what I wrote today, to what I said anyday, but they will learn the hard way.

I don't care being heard and don't need being thanked, but I owe many who brought me here (specially GOD and life).  :P

I invite the reader to learn from others, I like to share what I got from wikipedia these last days, and it is connected to your Mr or Mrs Right (once you find her, call me back) :D

“From the standpoint of anthropology and sociology, dating is linked with other institutions such as marriage and the family which have also been changing rapidly...”

From the standpoint of Adam, was he concerned of a family or a relationship with himself and his fe-male (his missing part)?

From God's side, was He concerned on the development of a society or in those hum@n's needs? (No doubt He thought of both missing parts).

Wikipedia, on its good article of Dating keeps on saying:

“ ...there have been substantial changes in the relationship between men and women, with perhaps the only biological constant being that both adult women and men must have sexual intercourse for human procreation to happen.^[3] ”

In my book of life, since I was a child, I wasn't thinking of sex. I believed my functioning program was not having such an intercourse before being a teen; but at that time came a new thing that wasn't a rib, and it changed my known drives and gave my life an additional task that gave me new troubles.

I knew it was a nice looking face what helped me to cling easily to some little girls. I was fat, so I seldom looked to those like me; no matter how beautiful they were outside, because I knew who I wanted to be and what I dislike from me.

When being a teenager, I never dated those who reminded me whom I was. I wasn't handsome, so I never got a lovely poem for me. Let's say I tried! But poetry looks after itself. And life gives you much more interesting things to read on...

Wikipedia says:

“Humans have been compared to other species in terms of sexual behavior. Neurobiologist Robert Sapolsky constructed a reproductive spectrum with opposite poles being tournament species, in which males compete fiercely for reproductive privileges with females, and pair bond arrangements, in which a male and female will bond for life.^[4]”

Does a simple Christian compete for REAL LOVE or sex?

I agree that that drive took much of my life to be changed. I “knew” a good nice looking face was related to a body and its beauty, but it took me years to understand that beauty wasn't well associated with companionship, deep love and loyal concern: Beauty makes some men to compete, but it doesn't match long-term companionship but rivalry. Beauty may draw many, but seldom keeps deep bonds of love (for it tends to be selfish, both male and female sides).

Christians are learning to deal above the externals and its appearance. Long-term relationships last more that external beauty and its “fitness”, but I must admit what I'm dealing with, what I thought it was important and what I believed those days moved my loyal feelings: The Bible is a good guide for the subject. Look a Samson's life! Delilah wasn't the best choice he chose. He looked at the outside, and he failed same way I am...

Christians -sooner or later- will change other things beneath our human nature, but our character tends to last at last.

There are many secular writers who have given you the information of their witnessing; but you are the better book  to read on your likes, your needs, and those dreams you try to find out “the missing piece”.

I won't say “we're naturally inspired to built societies”, but relationships.

I do say God made us so perfectly we cling to those we belong, especially when He gave us His Spirit to live His life.  (Thank you, God, for bringing us to a new life).

Dating could be unnecessary if we had God's advice clearly heard. I like to read Isaac's love story and that gave me tips worth noticing: a) Isaac's dad prayed in advance. b) The messenger prayed and did what his lord asked him to do. c) “Mates” pay attention to social status and economy, same way men and women look for beauty.  d) Messengers (or penpals) must to look at good attitudes, such as humble service, chastity and fear of God.

Today I wouldn't say my daughter: “Marry him! He is rich, and of noble family”. That's awful and sinful (I'd be selling her to a man). If I'm asked, I'll give some words; but I should be praying same way Job did for his children.

Today Mrs and Mr Right is not my business arrangement, as it used to be. I rather back off, unless my sons plan to bring her mates home, to live under my roof: Go find your own place! :P

Todays dating is better than clandestine meetings. There is a reasonably risk in these, but public dating serve to help us develop the safe character we lack when being pagans and cheaters. It gives us chances to grow well and there's no need to push for intimacy or privacy.

Your Mr Right is not at the corner drinking, smoking or dancing. Your Mrs Right is not embraced in the darkness of a discoclub, doing things I cannot say.

The missing piece of a man (or a woman) is what we would like to do, to care for and endlessly nurture. I'm not sure if I lack a rib; but I'm sure it's a part of me I haven't lost somewhere that someone will unveil in similarities, likeness, I would like to share, to back up and care of.

God is marvelous! He gave us a code we know when meeting certain people. It's a kind of software that immediately runs or freeze the fashion we know we are or used to be. There's a secret hunch that tells us she is and some aren't, and the Bible teaches well to see what's good or wrong.

The world teaches us to fail, to hurt, to lie, to be lost of success. We expend decades loosing and seldom winning. How long these college lesson will be to suffer pains and to loose?

I wish I could heard God's warns. Sometimes I prayed and the things I thought were His answers misguided me to fail. Sometimes we here voices and those, too often, are our mingled voices, the confusion of the world within our selfish human will: Thank you God, for giving us a second chance.

Who's Mrs Right and Mr right?

It could be any who shows respect for others. One whose life tends to be centered of God's warnings and deeds. Anyone of good character who has what you like and wished to share and enjoy.

Sometimes you find someone you don't like and don't feel forced to accept what you do not like, on demands: The girl who came to marry Isaac liked him at distance. She was “enticed” for reason$ and had a commission to carry on: Marriage! (The essentials were “secured” when she saw the economic status of the one who asked her for his son and, getting home, she knew her mate was handsome, so she felt encouraged from the heart because of her eyes and those "rich" camels a servant brought).

Do not marry unequally yoked. Do not date pagans and be safe from troubles. Your Mr Right is one you like, but pay attention to some warns received.

Let's say something “good” happened when certain king wanted to divorce and the Roman Holy Church said “No”. We naively can say “yes” to anything that can give us a 2nd chance to find out Mrs or Mr Right.

Was that king really interested in finding his Mrs Right? If so, why not trying FRIENDSHIP first and a long-term DATING, before being married?

In Colombia, you cannot be divorced to re-marry in a Catholic church. Legally you can divorce, but you cannot attend your church wedding twice, unless one of the spouse die... Who wants a widow? If divorce or separation hurts, what about that loss?

History is partial and defective to be complete. I could say it because there were more than spiritual reasons for the “Restoration Movement”. Beneath all those superficial waves, there was a powerful economic reason; because Roman Church owned too much land and power in Europe, and it was receiving a big deal on tithing each year; so England needed to get rid of its transnational economic influence. Such that “religious” change (and the rising of a new secular state control) gave England political cohesion and many Catholic believers were won as “Protestants” by the Anglican church; while Rome became weak during the slow process that also influenced other countries in Europe (i.e.: Germany, France...)

Kings in Europe were landowners and the Roman Church had its share as landlord. Some kingdoms were not strong enough; so portions were sold or handed over as pieces of land to some noble men who became crusade champions and free lancers, but time proved them to be rivals (The Reformation Movement has an economic background we're not clearly told as a reason, same way Crusaders wanted to get land outside their own countries to have more economic power: The land was a means of production) and more land everywhere served to get food, new trades, while poor were enslaved to work for landowners... Isn't it easy to remember why the whole America was conquered?

What about Mrs and Mr Right those days “land belonged to kings and noble men”?

(is it the same today?)

This might look sad and nasty: Too often people needed landowner's approval to get married. I watched a movie (with Mel Gibson) that showed me a thing hard to believe, and that's why many used to sin instead of allowing the landlord were first to approve... (That too reminded me those days of slavery in South and North America).

There were civil and political rights for privileged races of light colors; while other human beings were physically abused and enslaved.

What was the attitude of the Catholic Church? Was it “saving” people, or taking advantage in that business?

Have a look at the States who blessed nations to set men free...

Those times were a mess in Europe and America. Marriage needed same race approvals and “the traditional” church was mainly concerned in its decreased economic status. Indulgences were sold “to built” new churches and people needed to pay for their landowner's permission to get marry in Europe. What a sad thing! Today marriage is “free”, and divorce costs you double the inversion... :P

Historically we've seen how families lost control on us, as children, and let us lead our life the way we were pleased. Fathers left their kids made their choice same way Samson did, receiving no tip of parental advice; while others let church leaders misled them into errors when selecting faulty male or females. Some believers did well when their parents were unwilling (or missing) to help them into marriage.

Who's helping you to find out your Mrs or Mr Right?

Jesus said “those seeking will find, those asking will receive...”; but let us be warned that He also said this life would bring us trouble... (John 16:33).

Sometimes I relied on new technologies to find out my Mrs Right (perhaps that surname does not exist) Ha! Ha! :D

I never paid for the social service “matching pairs” promised. I wanted to believe what was often offered, but no one would give me what I would be hindered to receive or see from God's hand. These sites are making their deal acting like virtual “chaperons”, love promoters or real counselors for Jews, Christians... an atheist people.

Where is my Mrs Right?   (Knock! Knock! May I come in?)   Ja! Ja! Ja!

I made my decision and I hope I can accomplish what I liked... I cannot run and hide pretending I like to be an urban hermit, but I'll try to remove this tired secularism from my life.

What if something turns my life around? That will be welcome; but I faced vasectomy to avoid more children and I enjoyed fatherhood already.

What would be my missing piece? Complete peace?

I told my daughter: “Yo no quiero ser abuelo...” and I don't want to be a runaway twice.

Most people I knew wanted to succeed. They tried to do their best, and often shortcomings came where each hidden corner appeared. Some of us failed unintentionally and some lately regret, but God still gives us a 2nd chance.

The world has broaden its ways to cheat, to be double minded and play new game.

How could I risk myself to hurt, since I knew the pains of being hurt?

Will I forget Jesus' teaching, when I'm already told about the broad scope of earthly and heavenly love?

Jesus married no one... I don't know how His mind is and I guess the full nature of His LOVE is above and beyond my own limits (while God's is much more than that).

Todays dating might be changing your Mrs and Mr Right. He (or she) might be endangered to lose or miss you while running too fast on BB chats, SMSs, IMs or FaKeBook.

There are so many ways of exploring, that I confess I'm old fashioned and not updated. What if I admit publicly I liked perfumed snail mail?

           

Your Mrs and Mr Right live at the corner, same city you are in... or abroad!

My mom is above 70. She still saying “I expect a rich man to take me out to be married”. There´s an expectancy of wealth and joy, in everyone´s dreams.

Jesus told us “a man speaks from the treasure of his heart”. The mouth speaks from what we've got. So that's an useful tool to keep at hand to find out our Mrs or Mr Right (I better be shut)  :D  Who wants to be shot?  Ja! Ja!

I hope I finish an article I have published separately, under the named of: “Manual de Supervivencia” (in Spanish). There I shared some tips I've learnt and heard of, and I hope to serve others who see the Internet as a means to find that special someone.

Wikipedia gave me more interesting information on Dating:

“ Social rules regarding dating vary considerably according to variables such as country, social class, religion, age, sexual orientation and gender. Behavior patterns are generally unwritten and constantly changing. There are considerable differences between social and personal values. Each culture has particular patterns which determine such choices as whether the man asks the woman out, where people might meet, whether kissing is acceptable on a first date, the substance of conversation, who should pay for meals or entertainment,^[6][17] or whether splitting expenses is allowed. ”

But what about this next? I should check and confirm:

“Among the Karen people in Burma and Thailand, women are expected to write love poetry and give gifts to win over the man.^[18]”

I hope they never take my poems... I wouldn't like mine were used to draw a man. All of mine were written for women! (I had better to hide my nickname) Ha! Ha!  :P

And, on the other side, I would feel disappointed if a woman copies someone's else poetry to woo me or another. That's a fake feeling! (I'd be misguided, at least).

Dating seems to an evaluation process before being married, but I must admit the “hidden” backsliding this could bring on us. Does friendship serve on meeting your Mr Right?

We too often let dating drifted from  friendship. We did some things wrong before marriage, and I know how my life ended up to be alone. What's wrong to befriend?

There are nice love stories to learn from. These could be endless, and I'll try to find out how (next life).

Wikipedia keeps on saying: “Since there is uncertainty about how to behave on a date, there are numerous sources of advice available.^[21][22][23]”

We had better saving time when learning from others. Some Christians lack the habit to read and learn from safe and holy places, and I don't dare to read too long on a Cosmopolitan magazine, unless I want to know how pagans do and think. Isn't it a battle field we ought to know the enemy?

Children are threat, written violence appears. Am I really armored to this weaponry?

“Sources of advice include magazine articles,^[20]self-help books, dating coaches, friends, and many other sources.^{[26][27][28][29}”

Good! I myself feel challenged...

“And the advice given can pertain to all facets of dating, including such aspects as where to go, what to say, what not to say, what to wear, how to end a date, how to flirt,^[30 and differing approaches regarding first dates versus subsequent dates.^[31] In addition, advice can apply to periods before a date, such as how to meet prospective partners,^[25][31] as well as after a date, such as how to break off a relationship.^{[32][33][34][35][36][37][38}”

The Bible is plenty of ideas, but these may serve to spare time (if these come from Christians).

I like some friend I had. 
Some of them were like they were and some are like they are; and we couldn't cope well to change what is deep inside, out of control.

I cannot change what it's under my skin. It´s not our fault, there is no one to blame. 

My software, my program, is built-in. And I bet God will lead me to the place I need to be...

The missing piece, in fact, does not exist.