(Nov
10th, 2015)
This
could be a draft or an introduction for anything I planned to write
in the future about godly long-distance relationships (LDRs)
One
day she pleaded with anyone she liked to cope with the
inherent gaps -and distance, no one would fill in.
-After
this time I have no way to tell you how I miss you. Admitted be said
that we´re different but but diversity can be sorted out if there´s
real love and attraction. Can´t you understand that?
-I´m
sorry! I wish I knew the depth of those things no one could cope with
the moment a crisis appears when being apart (or getting emotionally
detached) like a ghost ship sailing on a brumous ocean. I actually
don´t know if you are trying to write another book or a short love
story or a new romance on your life with these things shared said but
this is the way I get this: We live in different words and I can
admit my own fears. My language is not your mother tongue (1). My
little house is just but a hut hidden in the middle of nowhere you
are in a communism third world country (2), and many things here are
built with turmoiled bricks and the cement of scarcity and crime, so
economically I cannot offer you anything safe with this shortage (3).
I´m just living a day after another! I have known several women at
my age, and I have realized all of these needed money (and the sex)
they probably missed from previous relationships and I´m not any
better -or worst- than any other man: I failed in giving them what
they needed.
-That
sounds discouraging and pathetic, man!
-That´s
basically my truth, according to what I have lived: If I was left, it
was because I have failed in providing what they wanted or needed.
And I´m sure I am not the only one learning from anything lacked.
-I
have believed in anything good I have believed: This I have felt
deserves a try.
-Who
is going to pay for the cost? I only have 20 dollars, and obviously
it´s not enough to travel abroad.
-Can
you save some money? I´m willing to pay the have of that cost.
-Thanks!
That´s fair, but I need money to buy food tomorrow.
-It
seems you like to play self-sabotage.
-That´s
better than being kicked out. Being left out there, cannot not be
covered with the shroud of a romantic mystery and marriage is nothing
magical or powerful enough I can believe any longer. Do you think my
belief can cope with yours?
-I´ve
believed you are a Christan!
-But
I believed something is really wrong in that system of beliefs. I
would marry a virgin but, if I have to live with a divorce woman, I
surely need to know why she was left and premarital relationships
give future spouces the chance to “know” who those persons are
before a wedding.
-Do
you thing people are to be tried -like a car you want to buy- like a
par of shoes you´ve liked to wear on?
-We
are not buyable things! You know I don´t like to be tested, but life
has shown those things are to be known. I´m not a virgin man, as
neither are you; but you would love to be married before having sex
when we never fully knew what our sexual and economic expectations
really are. You want to please God, but I have seen we human are
seeking to please us first.
-Aren´t
you trying to please yourself sexually? Let´s say I was engaged in a
sexual romance before I got married. Wasn´t I pleasing a man -or me-
instead of pleasing God´s well said life standards?
-Admittedly
be said premarital sex is very selfish but, since we´re not
virgin people, since we were left before by those who left (it
doesn´t matter they left or we left) are those religious “standards”
taking me somewhere? I´m not rich, and surely I´m not the more
sexual achieving man a woman knew. Are those social or religious
standards bringing people to full happiness? The very clear desired
an old woman had in the Biblical account (Gen. 18:12) shows me no one
wants to be deprived from sex and an easy life. If I would fall short
from your predictable human expectations -sexually, emotionally
or economically- I have better to know it now, before I
got married. I have known there´s an unquenchable long in human
souls that I don´t want to risk anything more on marriage. Read it
from an old woman who wished she was younger and married to a younger
man: “After I am worn out,
and my lord is old, shall I have pleasure?”.
-You
are adding to what is actually written!
-Am
I a fool to avoid any further inference? I wish I were younger to be
sought by younger women but, being poor and old, those chances are
tangibly reduced.
-Are
saying I´m too old for you?
-I´m
just expressing the desire of my soul, and I won´t bet a dollar on
the things another person would like to buy with a cheaper coin. In
Cana (John Ch. 2) a man wanted a full open house party to celebrate
his marriage and, if the Lord Jesus wasn´t present as a invitee, no
one would know what kind of things that man lacked just the moment
they celebrated a party. How do I know I would lack wine or anything
in my bed? Each time I wholeheartedly loved, I tried to have Jesus as
guest and leader. I married once, and it was wrong from the
beginning. How do I know my bed -or house- would lack the wine of
joy? I married to have legal sex and, deep inside of me, I was
enticed with another woman who chose to leave (now I´m happy she
left).
-How
could you have Jesus Christ -as guest- leading your life by
practicing premarital sex? It´s inferable you were sadly hurt with
those fears I see, but Jesus is clear with His commands. If you were
legally married, if you invited God to merge your marriage, Jesus
said: “What therefore God
has joined together, let not man separate” (Matt. 19:6)
-That´s
it! My point is that I knew what I loved. I knew I would have wanted
another woman to marry me, that time. If God really desired us to be
“one”, I expected something powerful or strong enough to having
changed us (or me) to be one; but we never were one so, after 13
years, we finally got divorced. And I don´t think I married to be
divorced, but to be one.
-Yes!
No one marries to be divorced.
-And
I don´t remember she or I were one, as I thought it would be if I
invited God to be present that day in the ceremony. Yet I can confess
I felt sexually incomplete, and I don´t know if she felt sexually or
emotionally lacking the wine of joy. That´s possible! But we never
were one. I cannot blame another person, but me. I married a person
loving another woman who went away… Can´t you see something wrong
on a system of beliefs? I invited God to be present on my wedding
party. I´m not sure if I kicked Him out more than a dozen times,
when I thought I would be one with the woman who chose to marry me
knowing I loved another. But I believed we could be one, and she and
I probably were absolutely wrong thinking would unite two different
types of peoples, even with different beliefs in those creeds (since
she was pentecostal, and I don´t). Does God join people to be one in
marriage? I don´t know! But I have seen too many people
getting divorced, that it is my actual belief marriage serves for
nothing, and it doesn´t matter they also had invited God to be their
guest. Another wrong thing I see as selfish: Would I invite God any
place to use Him as a shield? God is not a “thing” I can use to
get disposed like condoms.
-I
don´t know what to say.
-Neither
me! But it seemed to me I´m being lied somewhere. What way I have to
know God chose me -or another person- to be united in marriage? It
seems that life has shown each people they have their own needs
unsatisfied and, by time, they felt some desired were longly denied
either way: Just by trying to please God, their spouses, society, or
whatever thing they ignored it was. No wonder Jesus Disciples once
said: “If such is the case
of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
(Matt 10:19)
-Perhaps
that was the reason Jesus said “Not everyone can receive it”.
-I
don´t know if He really said that! What about the sexual and
economic long everyone has? I don´t know if I would please you
neither if you would be pleasing me but, if I had to get marry to
know what your sexual appetite is, or what your economic expectations
are during marriage, such mistake or bias could be the cause many
children are left along with spouses, since no one knew if they would
be pleasing enough during married life.
-God´s
commands are clear!
-But
it´s clear that -operatively- marriage is disfunctional. I never
married to give children any society. I loved (and I married)
thinking God would make the miracle of making two individuals one;
but it seems I had to do that miracle, by myself. I spent more than
20 years groping for the key to get that joy of marital oneness. Now
I´m willing to die any day He plans my passing away.
-You´re
a nut! You´re smart and you´re not too old to giving up that way.
What´s wrong with you? That you´re unwilling to fight for anything
you liked or wanted.
-The
book you venere as godly also gives those clues you can´t see. Hosea
married Gomer, and I´m not sure how she was engaged on sexual
affairs several times before that “wedding” contract (Hos. 1:2).
Ezekiel, a better holy man, was married to one woman he liked and,
one day, God warned him she would die soon and, being impolitely
informed, He wanted Ezekiel showed no tears for the joy he
would miss (Ezek. 24:16) What type of fight this life deserves? The
miracle of loving suddenly disappears, any day.
-Such
is life!
-If
life is so, why that “teaching” of getting married? It assures
nothing, but hidden problems if one person lacks what the other
needs.
-I
don´t know! The only thing I believed it is that marriage is a
command before sex.
-And,
after divorce, all we came to be adulterers and, if we had sex out of
marriage, we thought we were fornicators but -according to the Bible-
those who had sex after being divorced, actually became adulterers,
and not simple fornicators (Matt 19:9; Luk 16:18).
-That´s
not a big deal! Both are sins.
-And
which is easier or cheaper to leave abandoned? A convinced fornicator
takes virgins and widows, but an unknown “adulterer” could still
be missing a better love to bring home.
-Who
knows it?
-Those
who risked in premarital sex, I guess.
-That´s
sinful!
-Same
way as having born with human desires, and sexual drives.
to be continued!
-
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