Wednesday, July 29, 2015

One size fits all?

You won´t buy a pair of shoes (or a dress) without trying it first. You won't wear an old pant or new gloves without feeling how they fit you on without giving it a try. Will you?

In the moral realm, it was not (and it´s not) right you slept with a virgin daughter before you married her. In the Old Testament, there were enough previsions in case she was found lacking the virgin chastity is supposed to bless a virgin man but, today, sexual abstinence is uncommon after you have had a woman, who also had her children.

After you have had a single sexual intercourse with anyone, you've probably explored those sexual areas a virgin person doesn't know (in practice, but in theory) and, even if virtuous people were totally pure (physically) as a whole, their sensual minds know they have human desires with their passions (and those crushes we already knew with adulthood).

Desires come along with dreams. Most of them aren't nasty, unless we've permitted they were (and God and Jesus are willing to heal us for the best).

Let's say I prostituted myself to make my living (an “easy” living). Let's say I slept with dozens of women to get money, and to please myself (with the risk of falling in love with one of those clients, or getting any STDs) but that's an issue between God and me.

If someone came into my life, she has no right to blame me for my promiscuous past, except for the time I lived with her; because I'm supposed to be loyal during a love relationship, giving her exclusive sexual rights to that person who chose me (instead of a dozen of handsome guys -much better qualified than me- who would insist on to lure her away).

As a man, am I supposed to be a burden to any people's life?

As a woman, are you supposed to endorse another man what he didn´t create biologically?

Let me be plain on this: Do your children (or mine) deserve to be raised by someone else who did not procreated them?

One size doesn't fit all!


I loved one woman with all my might.

She wanted me to take care of her children, her life and additionally wanted me to finish building her house and, of course, I was particularly unwilling to take care of her children. If I had given her what she needed economically, I know I would have fallen short to give her what she needed sexually, because one size does not fit all!

If I had all what she needed sexually, I probably had lacked what she needed economically and, let me say speculatively that -something like these- could be the things one Samaritan woman sought when she had given herself “a shot” on five men who had slept with her her lifetime (John 4:15-18).

Jesus said: Who of you would give a snake when your children are asking a loaf of bread?

If any man doesn't give his woman what she longs, another man would be willing “to hand feed” her (and her children, probably).

One size doesn't fit all!

Have you read about Abigail's husband, Nabal? (1 Sam 25:3) When that man suddenly died (1 Sam 25:37-42) David asked her to marry him and, fortunately, she had no children with that man, except five maidservants she took along with her... Nabal was rich, but stingy and coarse, at the same time... Could he be sexually splendid at that mean bed? And, thinking about David´s first approach: How come a refined woman chose a man she has seen one single time?

She surely knew her emotional reasons! And you can bet -as much as you want- that she asked Nabal's servants about David, first.

Love can be measured by the way we're given to it but... One size does not fit all.

I can't talk about marriage to a single woman, if my stature does not fit the size of her dreams and needs.

I can't talk of what I want, if I don't have anything worthy to give her, in turn.

During all my life, if I had matched what other women have liked for them -with all those things they are willingly to seek- I would have stayed married longer, probably. (Just think about this, you who are probably left alone)

The Samaritan woman Jesus met (Jn 4:17) lacked something she wanted from a man:

a) Better sex?
b) A younger man to have her own children?
c) A rich man, who would be a good provider?
d) A handsome man she would desire deeply?
e) Someone who treated her better, they way she´d dreamed?

God knows!

But, let´s think of that woman who was caught in adultery. What was it that she wanted?

No doubt it was lust and sensual (physical) pleasures but, Jesus did not condemn her legalistically, the way we tend to do... However, it´s easy we could judge other people´s actions but, are we aware we wished a sweet woman who would love us for the way we are? (And not for the way she dreamed we were to please her all the times selfishly).

Yes! Let's admit we (men and women) are selfish, and more than once.

Jesus did not call her “You sinner!

She already knew who she was, the moment she feared she was about to die stoned by “holy” men. Instead, Jesus acted accordingly to what He said (Jn 12: 47b) He came for (Jn 10:10) to save us, same way His words saved that woman caught in adultery one day (Jn 8:11).

I don't have any right to be ashamed of the past life of a woman who loved me now. I don't have any right to regret what she did (except she had married me those days but) the important thing I most keep in mind is that it is her right to make use of her free will, as I'm also self-willed.

If I get married with my future wife, none of both has the slightest right to be ashamed of those persons we have slept with BEFORE we've got married. But I would feel undermined (and emptied) if she had married me for money, and not for finding me big enough to be her man.

Don't you think a woman would not feel the same if you married her for a wrong reason?

It's good she finds you sexually and economically achieving, and trustworthy. Does this idea applies for men, also? ;)

It's good you would find her pleasing, and much more than the measure friendship and her homie companionship would have offered those folks who once were uncommitted friends.

The moment I see Jesus visiting His friends in Bethany, I see how they probably missed and loved one another. The moment I saw how Mary loved Him (Jn 11:2) I know how I wished to be loved... Won't you like to be loved that way?

I don't care if she was a whore!

I don´t care she had loved another man more than me... I want to be loved, the way I am.

Don't you want to be loved too?

  1. Caught in adultery.


When Jesus said we´ve sinned each time we desired another man's woman (as well as his possessions) He was right in saying we've sinned from the inside out (Matt 5:28).

Married people get bored, get (or feel) abandoned and sadly ignored by several reasons we can not think of exhaustively -here- but; we've done that -too- inadvertently, sometimes.

We deserve to be stoned by the truth (Lev 20:10) and by those who loved God's truth.

We have run like that man who left alone the woman he was “sleeping” with, the moment she was caught up in adultery (Jn 8:4). If she really loved her, he should have fought to set her free from those accuser... Would you have fought for her, or run from her to spare your life?

When a person keeps on trading with her (or his) body to get thing$, we know what prostitution is... What name would you give -a man- who fled to save his life from his unlawful things?

If an engaged or married woman keeps on doing lawless and unloyal things you know what name you would give to her but, when a man sins... Will you call him “a man”?

Those persons who love to be sought after they have got already married, fit into any sort of disrepute we would give them, just to label a sinful “identity”, particularly if they have hurt us (or our loved ones). There' s nothing wrong if we've married one person who -lone ago- had indulged in those sins (their past lives but) how do we know their past is gone? And how we know those things do not keep on visiting them, as sins?

We need a complete change of mind. We need to be born again, to be set apart from them.

If God asked me: “Marry her” as He did with Hosea (Hos 1:2-3), I think He would give me enough love to love one person whose love is hard to be trusted. My prudishness and self-preservative instinct would be at any risk, while I could be reluctant to be tested if I trusted her; but love is loved.

Won't you run from those who looked to be proned to recurrent self-indulgence?

If you see me crawling around girls on her 20 - 30s, get ready to run when you see I'm 54 years old.

Fortunately, young ladies are smart enough to know old men cannot fit their body size (their craving) and all those human needs that would appear later on on a relationship with those age gaps... There are exceptions, of course!

Will I buy a pair of shoes without giving them a try?

Trademarks can be faked. I can try a shoe too big for me but... Wearing them is another thing. Will you buy worn out (and old) shoes just for you?

I doubt it! (Yet I know there are -always- few exceptions).

    1. Quenchable thirst.


We have no information on the type of men that Samaritan woman chose temporarily. We don't know the exact cravings of her human soul but, at least, we can infer she has a thirst that could be quenched...

Were they tall or short?

Were they rich or poor?

If her last “seasonal” man was rich, that Samaritan woman would have sent a maidservant to get fresh water, at noon. :)

We can “deduce” she was bored with those homie chores she probably had there (Jn 4:15)

Was she pleased enough?

The good thing we have to know it is Jesus entered into her life... (to make her mind up).

Let me think she had a “boring” sexual life... Do you think Jesus changed her mind? (What kind of a trick He would use?)

Many of us, repented sinners, have had more than five women before we got married so, I don't think the problem was -solely- in any of the men she chose beforehand, but inside her cravings, too. What do you think?

Many of us ever wanted a super model as wife, while we lacked the spell or charms (and money) she would have liked to spend at our cost. ;)

We wanted a woman who would cope with all our demands, unachieved dreams (ignoring our own personal deficiencies) when it was too late to see we never acknowledged those inadequacies we had -for bunches- while dozens of ladies resigned (and passed by) daydreaming things they wanted us to have for them... :(

What was that thirst I needed to quench?

What would be my need to be remarried?

If I needed an ex-married person... Will that human being permit I gave her a try, as I did with old shoes?

That Samaritan woman had tried five times and was unwilling to be married... How many times that adulterer (the one Jesus saved) had had “another try” on another man who wasn´t her husband?

The command is not to sin (Jn 8:11b) but, what would be our human unquenchable concern and real need?

Jesus offered her a spiritual blessing (living water) and the prerequisite for receiving it was that that woman brought her husband to Jesus' presence...

As old adults, you already know the “unquenchable” thirst of life, when our bodies are dimming, near to die, any day.

We've longed for enduring and strong emotions. Sexually we knew the size and depth of our visceral likes and emotional needs and, probably, we're reluctant to let them go. Will you deny yourself? (and how long that will be?)

That Samaritan woman needed the Lord Jesus to know her spiritual needs were above sex, above her dreams and economic desires... Won't I see part of me is also inside her bodily wants?

What was Jesus' ultimate concern?

1) Her human needs or, 2) The blessing He would bring in their married lives?

She probably realized: “I need to be married first”... Is it the same you and I need to be utterly blessed?

It doesn't matter she chose right or wrong the moment she met the Lord Jesus. Our past cannot be changed, except the immediate future.

We can boldly say: “She sinned” but, how many of us would admit publicly: “I´ve sinned more with these things...” (and with those we don't know?)

He came down to save humankind, and next time He comes, He will judge by His words: “Go. And sin no more!”

We can infer her final decision was following Jesus, as Lord and Saviour... What would be ours, until the moment we die?

The Lord Jesus didn't curse her, the way Puritanism would, with hypocritical legalism.

Some of us, if we could, would deny the gift of living waters (Jn 4:10) but, won't I ask God myself what He is willing to give me through His Son? (Jn 4:15)

According to previous personal experiences, I don´t think I would be married without knowing a woman as a whole: I don't marry a nice looking face, but a person I need to know wholly.

I need to know her emotionally, socially... but also physically, and sexually.

I don't care what your churchy opinion is! I´d like to listen to the opinion of that woman who would probably choose me to be her life partner and, since I´ve failed more than once, I don't want to make the same mistake more than dozen of times: I married a woman whom I couldn't please well and, at the same time, she was unwilling to please me, either. So, we both have married unequally yoked.

An average Eunuch won't be really pleased living a life of celibacy like Adam, when he was alone without Eve but, God knows our fears and, also, our human basic needs. It's not only for sex we human beings have craved, but for love, for that one we all have a recurrent want, and a thirst.

If an old man (or woman) could be happily married to a young virgin without further complications, everything would be perfect, in a perfect world; but this is not a perfect world we´ve lived in.

If we all could get enough money to buy the things our homes possibly lacked, there were no need our ladies were gone out to work -within wolves- who want to devour what we thought we could possess without any risk (Even we, as Christians, have ignored the great command we shouldn't covet our neighbor´s blessings).

Life has shown me unexperienced and naive people have had sexual problems. Some way or another we have known how our bodies were, and what they “needed” before we were “perfectly” married.

No one thinks he is a fool and, if he was, present state of secularism will “inform” him what he inadvertently ignored, even when they were kids.

Do you believe in blind dates? I don't, anymore.

If I don't get enough money to feed me and take care of myself, I don't have the slightest right to think I would look after another person: I'm all wrong, if I thought it so!

I shouldn't think of you if I lacked any social needs. I could not be engaged in a relationship with anyone who is quite different from me: If I'm a homie bird... I need a bird with similar feathers. :)

You probably liked wearing jewelry, but I don't. You´ve loved traveling a lot, but I don't get enough to please you... I'm all wrong!

There are things I disdained to live my simple life (which is not suitable for you): If you're taller, I'm short.

If you are thin or skinny, I could be shabby and ugly (just for you).

Those who are fond of being admired, like a model and popular girls, would want things that I don' t do or possess (I Tim. 2:9; I Pet. 3:3).

    1. I am wrong, too.


This month I met one lady who is one my mother's friend. I enjoyed the time we shared together and I think I liked her enough but, the moment I knew she had her lover somewhere else (not her husband) while she seemed to be willingly to another love affair, I shrank back... The moment her mother saw me around, she played some jokes on one of her sons, telling him he needed to acknowledge me as a new in-law. Fortunately, my mother's tips gave me a clue to know I was wrong so, I pulled back ASAP, because I have spent my life unsuccessfully in too many things before.

Retrospectively, I can see that those women I loved, really belonged to those men they liked and longed for... But, what was it the reason they also were left, one way or another?

One size does not fit all!

If you have liked a woman who has liked you in turn and -at the same time- she likes the butcher or has a crush on another man, you probably chose her wrongly (same way a woman picked you oddly when you had a crush on several girls, at the same time).

I would not run from a Samaritan woman, but just from one who has not made her final decision.

My thirst of life is not less than hers, and certainly it's no more than any person.

I don't like living a life where I had to compete for anybody's love or attention, as if it a loaf of bread to survive. I'm not made to spend my life crawling for things, for love or sex; because those aren't the things I'm completely aware of that one size cannot fit all.

Each person is aware of the size of their own needs yet, however they could be ignorant of my wants or yours. It's supposed each person grew to be able to provide for their own basic needs and, if they've loved, they could also work to help other people get their necessities satisfied, because perfect love should be mutual and kind.

How could you please someone whose longs are for another man (or woman) you are not?

I heard that Christopher Reeve had an accident riding a horse (1995) and ended up (2004) in a wheel chair... How could he loved his wife sexually after that problem he had with his broken body? What a predicament for both spouses! They had some money but, only God knows how they dealt with that sexual deprivation.

If I looked at Lazarus, or at the Lord Jesus, I could get some spiritual refreshment. Jesus knew what He came here for and Lazarus, the beggar, didn't have an exact clue to know why he needed to live a poor life like that.
Have a look on these words: “What man is there among you, when his son shall ask him for bread, will give him a stone?” (Matt 7:9)

If my children asked me food, I know what to give them. Secularly talking, if my wife asked me one single thing, I had better to give her what she actually needs, otherwise, another man would come to give her what she needed... How long a person could be denied of those things they missed out?

For decades, I've had the secular impression that many people left their churches because they lacked anything they eagerly wanted. Those who felt denied and utterly neglected, went away back to the world; and I see God inspired men to write about them in the Old Testament (Ezek 16:30-34) as if those had done like a prostitute who bribed them for lust, instead of receiving her dued “salary”... I can admit what I've done wrong. I'm not willingly to live a life of self denial or deprivations, particularly when I can't see clearly your cross is bigger than mine (although I cannot prove my cross is heavier than yours). Ha! Ha! Ha!

The best answer I have seen is this Jesus said to Peter:

When Peter saw that disciple, he asked Jesus, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "What is it to you, if I want him to live until I return? You must follow me." ” Joh 21:21-22

Sometimes it's hard to see what this Christian life really is. Jesus' apostles left their stuff and took their wifes somewhere... Paul also spoke of “his rights”, as an apostle (or man) where he claimed he had similar rights to marry a Christian woman, along with his teammate Barnabas (1Co 9:5 Have we no right to lead about a wife that is a believer, even as the rest of the apostles, and the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas? )

The keys are around these:

a) We ought to know how (I Pet.3:7)
b) Giving them what they need (I Tim. 5:8, 6:8; Ephe. 5:33).

But what about those who lacked someone to love sensually, such as the poor Lazarus... and the Lord Jesus?

The Other Rebekkah?


We have no exact clue why that Samaritan woman went to collect water to that well. Jesus stood by it, the moment she arrived at noon. We can infer she needed water to cook her lunch and, if we dared to compare Jesus with that man who prayed to meet Isaac's future wife (Gen. 24:15) we can speculate Jesus match made her with the man she chose. That woman probably had lost her virginity with previous men, but all in marriage could be pure and new.

We should not assume Jesus was teaching about those “five” ministries only Paul, the Narcissist Catholic teacher (I Tim. 1:1-2, 7) mentioned on Ephe. 4:11... For God's sake! Jesus wanted to bless her with living water, instead! He didn't want to give money -or fame- those who longed to get them as new assets or to make some economic profit.

What type of man that Samaritan woman had?

Was her future husband praying for her, the moment she reached out the Lord Jesus at that well?

We have no way to grasp if her last man wanted her fully committed to live with him.

Jesus offered her living waters and, the prerequisite He asked -before she was given it- it was bringing her man along with her, in front of Him, the Giver.

Do you need to be blessed that way, also?

1 Pet. 3:7 shows there are hindrances impeding to be blessed spiritually. I don't exactly know what kind of sins are blocking my way to be blessed. Could they be lust, unchastity, envy, a wavering character tossed back and for each time a woman appeared close to me?... You name them!

That woman needed to make her ultimate decision, and Jesus was there to help her to clearly see. Afterwards, she acted accordingly, preaching in her hometown about Jesus, and that showed coherence in what she really believed.

Did she reach her future husband out?

Was he compelled to meet the Lord, to receive His blessing and living water together?

We don't know! But he was there (Jn 4:39-42)

One of the things I liked most on this account it is that no one appeared to be judgmental seated on the judgement seat of Inquisitors.

That accounts showed us, simply, one Samaritan woman who believed (along with many people of her hometown) and, after two days of ministry with Jesus, they were more (Jn 4:40).

It's worth noticing that that Samaritan woman came into this bucolic scene doing the job of a poor maidservant (same way like Rebekkah did in Genesis) and, afterwards, she became an Evangelist:He told me everything I have done”... ;)

By inferences, we “know” the man she actually had, was not rich. Otherwise, that chore would have been done under the sun by her servants.

The world do not spin around our ideas.


This weekend Charles asked me something about my ex-wife businesses. I had no idea on what to say, except the moment he commented something about the woman my son chose: “... She looks too thin”, he said.

Charles is tall and fat and, according to his emotional environment, it seemed he also thinks the rest of this world should be the way he is (but it is not). Should “my” world be thin and short because I´ m both things? Nope!

This world do not spin around my ideas neither around our likes nor preconceptions. It is as it is! You've liked what you've liked, but everyone is entitled to like what they've liked.

Jesus invited us to do not judge things by outer appearances and, if we gave them a try, He wanted us to be fair (but we're often unfair).

There are dozens of Samaritan men (and women) longing to drink living water. These have liked -and lived- with bunches of people they used for a season, with a temporal purpose but, Jesus is still there willing to bless any of them to make a right decision.

If celibacy was intended for all of us, God wouldn't have given Adam a wife.

If loneliness was the best state of life, I can't wonder why I haven't found more men like John the Baptist in the woods where I've been.

Someone recently told me: “Seek the Lord! And choose to live single, like an eunuch...”

What a shame!

Those who have given that advice -so lightly- are married, and they normally slept with someone they liked and loved. Who am I to give an advice if I'm not practicing it in my secular life? ;)

If I'm enjoying the pleasures (and good things) of this life, am I worthy to be heard?

Jesus was single.

John the Baptist and Lazarus died as single men. Am I any better than any of them?

I cannot grasp the full dimension and depth of God's spiritual love but, I'm sure any of us know the pleasure of being loved completely, being the persons we are, with whomever you could be (not for being the owner of anything a person craved or covets).

If God (or Jesus) blessed me with anything or some one I had loved, I will enjoy myself more than Lazarus enjoyed his earthly restricted life.

The moment I think in those men (or women) I have seen, I know I was given something more I utterly despised or left.

Thank you Lord!

One size cannot not fit all.

(Updated) July 24, 2015