I wish I knew the name of the man who wrote this!
He deserves the dued credits and honors for having written this post I read on a Chrsitian site...
“9 Reasons! For Christian Single Ladies (Women).....
There might have been questions about this from BOTH MEN AND WOMEN and I figured it was time to share about it too. Before I share another line though, it’s important that I begin with a few things and get some things out of the way.
A) This article is mainly for mature Christian single women. Mature. Christian. Women. Why? Because Girls might get offended or not understand but a mature Christian woman will probably get it and take the knowledge.
B) A woman’s relationship status does not define her, so being single is not a disease or an indication of something “wrong” with her. So this article is not to list a bunch of reasons why you are at fault for not being married …as if marriage was something you just bought at the store. I wouldn’t do that. I respect and care about women’s issues more than there is space to write about here. As a daughter of God, he is working out your story beautifully, so bask in that. This is however, for Christian ladies who are ready for marriage but frustrated that they can’t find the right guy even though there seems to be options.
C) I write this respectfully but I will write it as honestly as possible as a man and as someone who knows a thing or two about relationships. I’ll tell you probably like no one has told you before. So the tone may be a bit direct not because I am brash but because I am writing to Women not girls and one thing I know about women is that contrary to the opinion that they want you to beat around the bush, when it comes to things that are really important, they want you to tell them like it is. They would rather know now, shed a tear or two and start working ASAP to move out, move up, move on or move forward so they don’t waste more time doing the same thing and not getting the outcomes they want.
D) All your single girlfriends AND male friends should read this.
So here we go. Why can’t our wonderful Christian sisters find their Boaz, David or Joseph?
1. Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows where he is going”… But God’s men usually don’t have a clue:
Think about that for a moment. Think through the Bible… All the great men that had relationships with God and who he used and blessed….They usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and (here is the even crazier part) even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said he was taking them. Just think about it. All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know; Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.
These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine?
Abraham calling sister Sarah aside after church and saying “Errrmmm Sarah you know I love you right? Soooo God wants to take us somewhere …But I have no idea where. Wanna marry me and come?”
David too. “Look baby…I really care about you and want to spend the rest of my life taking care of you… In fact, I’ve just been anointed King…Buuutttt I’m kinda living in the bushes right now and on the run from the King I’m supposed to replace.”
Or Joseph. “Look Jill, God has shown me many dreams that people will bow down to me and I’ll be a great leader. But right now I wash dishes in Potiphar’s house and I’m a slave boy there”
God’s men don’t “always” have a direction or know the details. So stop looking for men who have it all figured out!
Here is the solution though….. Here is the good news. Here is what you SHOULD be looking for: Men who can be LED by God. (Rom 8:14) Don’t look for a man who already has the best laid plans. Look for one who knows how to follow directions from the best planner.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man may not know exactly where he is going but he knows how to follow God.
2. Many ladies approach relationships from the perspective of “Low Risk, High Reward”: Meaning, they want to get the absolute best man with the least amount of risk. (And I’m not just talking about finances here) They don’t want to put themselves out there at all.
They want the man to take ALL the risks… to be utterly convinced he wants to be with them before they open up about who they really are. You know who you are… You act like YOU are the ONLY prize in the equation. He doesn’t know anything about your background but you turned into a private investigator to make sure he is good enough for you.
You are financially irresponsible and an impulsive spender, you’re spending insane percentages of your income on your hair, shoes, bags, and your “package” but, you want a man who knows how to make and keep money.
You have not grown your faith or prayer life to where it needs to be but you want a demon chasing, tongue speaking, Bible spitting warrior of a husband… Because “he is the leader of the home”.
You’ve dated a bunch of “losers” that didn’t work out but, he is no good because he has had several failed relationships, too?
You want to see him as he is but, you cover yourself up in perfectly filtered Instagram pictures, hair extensions, push up bras, makeup and layers of stuff that make it impossible to see who you really are.
You are lazy with not much follow-through but, you want a man who can stay up all night working on a project. If he put that spotlight on you, would YOU make the cut?
In essence, many Christian ladies say they have faith but they don’t.
They say that God is their source but they are lying. They say that they trust God’s will for their future but they are lying. They don’t. They put their trust in a man. What kind of job he has/can get. How much he is making or can make. They want to make sure he has the “ability to provide”. They want him to have his life utterly figured out…
But I have met many great men who haven’t found the employment they have the potential to get.
I have met many others who were living it up until the economy crashed. I have met some who had it all but God insisted they give it up to go and further the gospel.
v If you want a Boaz, David or Joseph, you’re going to have to have to be OK, not having everything perfectly figured out.
3. Many ladies forget that good Christian men look for women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values:
Sure he should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm ladies… These Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together. Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work, follow-through and so on.
One of the first things we learn about Ruth for example, was her work ethic. ( Ruth chapter 2 ). She knew how to pull her hair back, forget about her nails, roll up her sleeves and get on the grind. She worked really hard and even when she got the attention of the “well established guy with the sensitive heart” she didn’t stop working. She took the break that he offered her and went back to work.
That’s how you earn a man’s respect… When you can show him that what he HAS does not define who you are.
Here is the icing on that cake. Just because Ruth could get down and work, didn’t mean she couldn’t look pretty and tidy up (Ruth 3:3)
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows it takes a lot more than butterflies and date nights to fulfill God’s mandate for his family.
4. Many ladies pre-qualify their leads:
This is one of the most CRITICAL reasons. In fact, there is a powerful 2 part series on just that
** More about this, coming too in the first comment I’m going to make below…..
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man … Spends a long time NOT looking like the Boaz, David or Joseph the world will eventually come to know.
5. Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want to settle either:
Yea ladies… Men are understanding their worth a bit more too. Christian men are getting more and more comfortable attending relationship seminars and getting information about seeking God’s face for a wife. They are realizing how powerful of an impact a wife has on the outcome of their lives and ministry, and they are spending more time trying to see what is beneath the surface. They know that a woman can make or break everything. They realize that a woman’s desires can accelerate him towards purpose or derail him.
They are praying more and they are realizing that while you still remain a prize, they too are precious in God’s eyes and want to do right by him. They are realizing that a wife can make or break a man.
Yes, they are praying for a Ruth but, they are also praying against Delilah as well.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows his worth too.
6. Many Christian ladies have no testimony with men:
A few years ago, an older friend (a number of years older than me) came up to me after a church program and asked me about a lady in my church. Who she was, and what she was like as a person.
I didn’t stop talking for minutes. They were married about a year later.
Same thing happened to Ruth. (Ruth Chapter 2 from Vs 3) Boaz came back from a trip, saw Ruth and asked his Foreman “Who is that and who does she belong to”, to which the foreman answered and gave a fantastic testimony of her character. (See Boaz’s response in Vs 11)
Here is a secret ladies, you know how you like a guy and try to keep it to yourself until your girlfriends force a confession out of you? We guys don’t do that. The moment we think we are interested in you, we are telling someone and we are asking around about you….and we are asking our MALE friends/mentors. Because we know they will tell us like it is and of course won’t spread it all around church and make things suddenly awkward or cause all the sisters to start giving the dirty eye next Sunday. Bro code.
The truth is that even Christian ladies can be toxic sometimes when it comes to how they treat men who they don’t consider a prospect. You forget that when the real prospect comes and is interested in you, he will ask other men… Some who may never have approached you but who have watched you from afar, and yes some who may have had an interest in you but you didn’t like. How did you handle those situations? (You totally need to read that article link above…especially the 2nd part of that series)
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man looks deeper than the surface beauty. They look for testimonies of the woman’s character.
7. Many Christian women want a Proverbs 31 Man:
That’s not a typo. Pick up your Bible and read Proverbs 31 again with fresh eyes… from the perspective of the character of that woman… And you will see that those qualities are the ones that many women are looking for in a man when they should be busy developing those qualities themselves.
Single Christian men are reading that passage looking for those qualities in a woman, and women are putting that passage down and instead looking for those qualities in a man.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man has read Proverbs 31 and wants her.
8. Many Christian ladies want to be married but, they are not truly ready to be led:
They want to marry a boyfriend, but not a husband. They want only a partner, but not a leader. They want an emotional prenup that things will always be 50:50. They say they will concede authority to God himself, but in their heart, they are not willing to be led by his representative in the home. What I am about to say next I say with the utmost respect to women.
Men were created to lead at home. Now, that leadership comes with accountability to God meaning that God holds him accountable and will punish him first for bad leadership. But a man cannot be accountable for a woman he can’t lead... And a Christian man does not want to be over anything he can’t be accountable to God about.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man is a great servant leader as Jesus Christ… But he is a born leader, and he knows it.
9. Many young married Christian women are painting a fairytale picture of marriage to their single ladies
Many young married women are doing a major disservice to single women. These young married women create a fairytale picture of weddings and marriage to their single friends. They love being the center of attention and talk up how dreamy it is. Perfect Instagram photos, perfect wedding photos, expensive glamorous weddings, perfect Facebook updates, photos and so on. Is there anything wrong with that? No. It would just help a lot more when married young women keep it real with their sisters and tell them that the wedding day does not make the marriage.
It would help a whole lot more if they sit their single friends down and talk about the importance of a praying wife, a strong wife, a submissive wife (to a Godly man) and how contrary to popular opinion, the faith of a wife is both a weapon for the family and its defense as well. Instead, they get their single sisters all dreamy eyed and waiting for a perfect story and a perfect man… Waiting for KalEl from planet Krypton with the big “S” on his chest and a red cape, when they should look at Clark Kent from Planet earth.
v The Boaz, David or Joseph kind of man knows that the wedding is not the marriage and doesn’t want to create an impression he can’t maintain.
So…start/join the conversation below. Which one of the points reasonated with you?
Was it an eye opener?
Were there any surprises on the list?
Any additional thoughts? Share those comments below.
**Our point number 4, from the above article.
If you have ever worked in sales for more than a month and received training, you have probably heard this before. Don’t pre-qualify your lead.
What exactly is a lead? What does it mean to pre-qualify a lead? And what the heck does that have to do with relationships? Well, a lead is simply a contact that may… or may not become a customer. It is at best a prospect. Just an opportunity that may or may not result in a commitment.
So what does it mean to pre-qualify a lead?
It’s when a salesperson prematurely tries to quickly determine if a prospect is actually capable of buying so he/she can determine how to treat that prospect. The salesperson quickly sees if the prospect fits the “buyer profile” and if not, the prospect is treated differently.
If the prospect sounds or looks like they have the capacity and intention to buy, the salesperson’s behavior changes. He/she speaks politely, is patient to hear every word that comes out of the prospect’s mouth and even offers them coffee in the lobby.
However, if they don’t look or smell like money, the unwise salesperson disconnects, makes a mental decision that the person isn’t of much use, and behaves accordingly towards that prospect.
But the truth that any good salesperson knows is that you just never know who your next big customer will be. In fact, some of the biggest customers may be ones that DON’T look or sound like the typical buyer. Many a salesperson has missed out on big fish customers, because they were looking for ones that fit the profile.
Same is true in relationships.
Many of us meet people all the time but we pre-qualify them prematurely. That’s not even the worst part. The worst part is that our behavior towards them becomes disrespectful and we throw courtesy out of the window. It’s like we are saying, “If you are not dating/marriage material, then you don’t deserve my courtesy and respect as a person”
However, just like in sales, you just never know who your big fish is.
Sometimes (in fact MANY times) the person who can add the most value to your life doesn’t look or sound like the profile you had in mind.
I know some people are reading this and saying “naaahh…that’s not me. I don’t do that… I treat everyone with respect and courtesy”….well, let’s see.
If you are a lady, think about the last 10 guys that showed an interest in you, but you were not interested in. Did they walk away from that situation with their dignity intact? Or did you make the situation awkward for them?
Did you use them to pump yourself up with your girlfriend as you flashed her the “please save me from Godzilla” look? Did they walk away kind of embarrassed? Did they walk away saying wow “I’ll never do that again” Or did they walk away feeling like “wow the world is full of great… Classy women?
If you are a guy, think about the last 5 ladies that you have shown interest in (but didn’t have an interest in you) or who have shown interest in you (but you had no interest in) and ask yourself those same questions…
You may not have realized it until now but, you may be “that girl” or “that guy” that tears down people because you think they are a bother to your “royal eminence” simply, because they were not your type or they didn’t “meet your standards”.
I hear ladies all the time saying things like “It’s so frustrating to be approached by all these guys that I have no interest in”.
Oh my my my how terrible that must really be… (to be considered attractive or desirable to the point where guys are willing to take the social risk to approach you) versus not being approached at all…
Just think about that for a moment:
Even when you determine that this person is not dating/marriage material, you shouldn’t treat them with less respect or less courtesy than they deserve.
Why? Because just like in sales, even if a prospect doesn’t “buy” from you, their positive experience with you may inspire a testimony about you and ultimately result in a referral or introduction to someone who does buy.
So you made a move and SHE wasn’t interested. That’s ok. Keep it moving and still treat her with respect and courtesy. Don’t respond in anger to try to mask the bruise on your ego. That’s petty and immature.
So HE is not dating material. He is “not your type”. That’s ok. Still treat him with respect… Still be courteous. How much work did you have to do to become “attractive” in his eyes to be worth approaching? Nothing. HE interpreted something about you that was worth the pursuit. That alone is a compliment. Give him an “A” for effort.
Does all this mean you shouldn’t have standards? NO.
Does this mean that everybody you meet is a prospect? Probably not.
You should have standards and you should have a good idea of what you want. There is nothing wrong with that.
The problem comes when you leave a trail of rudeness, lack of courtesy, shattered confidence, seeds of anger, broken self-images, and disrespect along the way. The problem is sowing negative seeds in the hearts of people (about themselves and the opposite sex) as they come in contact with you.
In my next post(s), I’ll tell you the specific effect this can have on you and the people that come in your life. I’ll also tell you ways to tell someone you are not interested in them without being rude or insensitive. ”
I think the problem is around chastity and not marrying as we thought we should. Priests were “ordered” to marry virgins and, surely there were good reasons to do so (to be spiritually free from sexual problems, later on?):
Lev 19:29 "Do not profane your daughter by making her a prostitute, lest the land fall into prostitution and the land become full of depravity.
This is so important, in God´s sight, that He made prevision to avoid future consequences and these are clearly felt when we see so many people hurt, separated and divorced. When a young lady was unwilling to be ruled by her parent’s advice, there was another option many families would have regretted:
Lev 21:9 And the daughter of any priest, if she profanes herself by whoring, profanes her father; she shall be burned with fire.
Lev_21:14 He must not marry a woman who has had sexual relations with any man. He must not marry a prostitute, a divorced woman, or a widow. The high priest must marry a virgin from his own people.
Eze_44:22 The priests must not marry a widow or a divorced woman. No, they must only marry a virgin from the family of Israel or a woman whose dead husband was a priest.
Ezekiel´s words are too tough to be heard. No doubt these were addressed to Israel, as a disloyal nation, but this teaching may also serve men an women to be informed “spiritually” of the morale of these strong words he tossed on Israel, as a woman:
Eze 16:32 Adulterous wife, who receives strangers instead of her husband!
Eze 16:33 Men give gifts to all prostitutes, but you gave your gifts to all your lovers, bribing them to come to you from every side with your whorings.
Eze 16:34 So you were different from other women in your whorings. No one solicited you to play the whore, and you gave payment, while no payment was given to you; therefore you were different.
Eze 16:35 "Therefore, O prostitute, hear the word of the LORD:
Eze 16:36 Thus says the Lord GOD, Because your lust was poured out and your nakedness uncovered in your whorings with your lovers, and with all your abominable idols, and because of the blood of your children that you gave to them,
Eze 16:37 therefore, behold, I will gather all your lovers with whom you took pleasure, all those you loved and all those you hated. I will gather them against you from every side and will uncover your nakedness to them, that they may see all your nakedness.
It might hurt ladies, even some men; but I chose to believe I was wrong."